Beany Burgs

You're getting that summer itch.
You may or may not be constipated.
You definitely want some dank ass somethin' off the grill.

THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING FOR DINNER:

To the rescue, duh.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 Cup Uncooked Brown Rice
• 2 (16 oz) Cans Black beans, Rinsed and Drained
• 1 Green Bell Pepper, Diced
• 1 Onion, Quartered
• 1/2 Cup Sliced Mushrooms, diced
• 6 Cloves Garlic, Minced
• 3/4 Cup Shredded Cheese (use whateva cheese your heart desires)
• 2 eggs
• 1 tablespoon Chili Powder
• 1 Tablespoon Ground Cumin
• 1 Tablespoon Garlic Salt
• 1 Teaspoon Hot Sauce
• 1/2 Cup Dry Bread Crumbs, or as Needed if Mixture is too Moist. (If gluten free, GF oats, breadcrumbs, or flour will suffice)

Start off cookin' the brown rice in a large pot of boiling water. We cooked the rice by boiling 3/4 cup rice in 5 cups water for 30 mins, straining like pasta, then covering and letting the rice steam in the pot for 10 additional minutes. You'll have rice perfection that even Mulan would honor.

Preheat the grill. <<---Very important step here.

Now comes the messy part. As a disclaimer, you might want to make sure you have a partner or two in this patty-making endeavor; shit is gunna get messy, trust us*. Here goes nothin!

Mash the black beans in a large bowl until they become pasty. This may require some strength and agility, but we believe in you. Next, add the chopped veggies, cooked rice, and cheese into the bowl and mix together. Whisk together the eggs, spices and hot sauce, and combine. Then, add the breadcrumbs and mix until mixture is goopey and will hold together. We added extra crumbs because we love crumbs here.

The mixture might resemble highly fibrous dysentery. If it does, you will know that you're on the right track. No, really.

(Poop right? We wouldn't lie to you)

Now its time to form the patties. Jessica, being the most skilled with her hands, formed some pretty hefty patties out of this concoction. We used flour (cornstarch or GF flour if you cannot have gluten) to form the patties so the mixture would not stick to our hands. Well, it still kind of did, but the mess is a damn  unavoidable part of this beany blast.

(We think hands add a little extra flav'a)

Form the patties and place them on a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil. Slide the foil and patties directly onto the grill and cook until browned and crispy like the Colonel. It took us about 8-10 minutes on each side.

And the finished product:

Let's not forget beany burg accessories. It is against our moral belief systems to cheat ourselves on the deliciousness that are burger condiments and added delectable vegetables. Here's what we put on our burgs that created a soiree of tantalizing burger-domination amongst ourselves and guests.

• Buns (Jessica used Onion buns and Michaela used Gluten-free Udi's Buns)
• Cream Cheese/Chipoltle pepper spread (it is what it sounds like: cream cheese mixed with a finely chopped chipoltle pepper. Enjoy ya'self with that secret spread from the heavens)
• Red Leaf Lettuce (it looks fancier than romaine or iceburg... and your friends may just think you're fancy too)
• A pinch of Feta (because why the hell not?)
• Avocado, indubitably.
• Diced roasted red bell pepper
• Red Onion

Enjoy Ya'self!

Love,

Jessica and Michaela

***Tip From the Experts***

Another reason to have amigos amongst you as you venture into BeanyLand, is because your kitchen will turn into a war zone. Use blackmail or indimidation to coerce said amigos into helping you clean.  



Meatless Shepherd's Pie

So you're missing Mama's comfort food and craving everything under the sun; you should treat yourself to our Meatless Shepherd's Pie. We are about to unveil what might ordinarily look like a mushy mess, but is surprisingly delightful (just close your eyes). Just kidding. Kind of.

Ingredients:

• 4 Cups Diced Raw Potatoes
• 1 Cup Diced Onion
• 1 Cup Green Beans
• 1 Cup Carrots
• 1 Cup Mushrooms
• 1 Cup Broccoli 
• 1 Can Sweet Peas
• Seasonings (Garlic, Pepper, Salt, Italian Seasoning)
• Olive Oil
• 2 Tbsp Flour (Use corn starch OR flour substitute if gluten-free)
• 1 Cup Burger Substitute
• 1 Cup Milk (We used almond milk; but use whatchya want)
• Water As Needed (To "un-thicken" the veggie mixture)

We all know how to make mashed potatoes. Don't make us explain it. If you need us to explain how to make mashed potatoes, then this blog is none of your damned business; you should probably talk to your f*cking mom. We digress...

Meanwhile, chop veggies and place in a saucepan with olive oil (2tbsp to start, add more oil if veggies are sticking/burning). Saute for about 6 minutes or until veggies start to soften. Then add burger substitute and saute for 5-8 minutes longer. Add seasonings to taste (don't get buck-wild with the salt; ya don't need any more of that). Next, add flour and milk and let thicken. If it's not thick enough- add flour. If it's too thick- add milk. Is it rocket science? Probably- but we don't ask....

Now that your veggie mixture is thick and creamy, evenly spread into a casserole dish. Next, dollop those mashed taters right on top. Sprinkle with desired seasonings (we used garlic pepper, parsley, and red pepper flakes), we also used shaved Parmesan 'cause we were feelin' a little classy, but that's up to you).

Now here's some visuals... Feast your eyes on this:

Bake this delightful sludge for about 30 mins at 400 degrees. Let cool, dig in, and enjoy ya'self.

Love,

Michaela and Jessica